In June, 1985, the Bizarro League was founded, using a $260 salary cap, and not using real money. The initial draft was held over a period of three days during a Boy Scout Troop 87 trip to Washington, D.C., with most of the drafting taking place at the Troop hotel. The founding members -- Ed Carbone, Brendan Ramsden, and D.J. Ramsden -- seized upon the idea of the Bizarro League at the Waldenbooks in the Mall at Tyson's Corner, Virginia. The first player auctioned was Rickey Henderson, who was purchased by Ed Carbone for $20, which converts to $2.00 under the $26 salary cap. The initial championship was won by D.J. Ramsden's Crusaders, who squeezed by Ed Carbone's Eagles in a tiebreaker, six categories to two.
In 1986, the league began playing for real money, and thus reduced the salary cap from $260 to $13 by dividing all player salaries by 20. The Toxic Sludge were disbanded, because no one wanted them, and all of the team's players were returned to the draft. Also that year, the Providence Friars were disqualified and not counted in the scoring, because their owner refused to pay. 1986 also marked the first of the record three consecutive championships by the Brain Dead, and four in a row for owner Ed Carbone. Additionally, 1986 saw the then-best performance by a rookie owner, as Pete Van Dorpe's Evil Crue took third place, only six and a half points back of the leader.
In 1987, the Bizarro League expanded from 8 scoring categories to the current 10, by adding Runs Scored and Strikeout Ratio, thus enabling higher scores across the board. Additionally, also in 1987, the Bizarro League changed from an all-American League league to a limited mixed league, allowing a limit of 40 National Leaguers into the League. 1987 was also the year of the "live ball" in major league baseball. As a combined result of the above, 1987 gave the Bizarro League its then-highest point total for a single team, 98 for the Brain Dead, which destroyed the field by a record fourteen points.
In 1988, the first collaborative effort saw Skip Donald, Mike Proteau, D.J. Ramsden, and Ed Carbone all join forces to manage the DaMiDJEd Goods, formerly the Allah B. Praised. The team turned out to be a success, as the DaMiDJEd Goods just missed out on the money by one point, finishing in sixth via tiebreaker. 1988 saw the closest overall race in league history, as places two through eight were only separated by a total of thirteen points, and places two through six were separated by merely five points. Atop the race was the Brain Dead, winning a record third title in a row despite becoming the only team to win with fewer than 90 points (83) since the League expanded to 10 categories in 1987.
In 1989, the league saw its second collaborative ownership team, as the Evil Crue became the Express. Once again, teamwork paid off, as the Express rocketed from eleventh place in 1988 to a respectable seventh place in 1989, only nine points out of the money. At the top of the standings, the Eagles finally put an end to the Brain Dead's three-year reign, and the Wildcats interrupted Ed Carbone's two-year streak of one-two finishes by beating the Brain Dead out for second. Also, newcomer Skip Donald became the fourth new owner (besides the founders) to finish in the money his first year, as his Skippers took fourth place.
1990 was a momentous year for the Bizarro League. Ed Carbone resigned after five years as League Commissioner, and was replaced by D.J. Ramsden. In a bizarre coincidence, Ed's four-year dominance of the league also came to an end, as the Express completed its "Express" to the top, taking the title by a record-tying fourteen points. Gavin Skillman became the fifth rookie to take home money, as the Skillmen came in fourth, just two points out of second.
In 1991, for the first time, the league championship was taken by a team that was not even part-owned by any of the founders. However, as had been the case in each year since 1986, the champion was controlled by the commissioner/statistican (convenient, huh?). Newly elected commissioner Skip Donald barged into the elite club of Bizarro champions with a rally in the final week of the season. The Skippers headed into the final week tied with the Eagles, but had a finishing kick that the Eagles could not match. This fantastic finish was only made possible by the Skippers' tremendous choke down the stretch, since Skip at one point in August held a fifteen-point lead over the pack, only to see it all slip away . . . and then come back.
In 1992, Gavin Skillman became the second "new" owner in two years -- and the first non-statistician since D.J. Ramsden in 1985 -- to join the Yoo-Hoo fraternity, as the Skillmen held off a challenge by the Skippers to claim a four-point victory. 1992 also marked the first season which began with no owner controlling more than one team as John Lydon made his Draft Day debut, having inherited the Brain Dead from Ed Carbone about midway through the 1991 season. For the first time in league history, there were eleven owners for eleven teams. Also for the first time in league history, no team controlled by Ed Carbone finished in the money, as the Eagles limped home in ninth.
1993 was déjà vu year for the Bizarro League. It was like 1987 in a way, as major league expansion boosted offensive numbers, causing many Bizarro League offensive records to crumble. It was also like 1985 in a way, as D.J. Ramsden -- still not the stats man -- returned to the league championship after an eight-year absence. His Romans pulled away from the Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters with a sizzling final week, turning a nail-biter into a comfortable eight-point victory. The real race was for fourth place, as teams four through six were separated by a total of two and a half points, with the Skillmen claiming the final prize.
1994 . . .ouch. As the Bizarro League celebrated its tenth season, the greatest Major League season in recent memory was producing a fantastic Bizarro League pennant race among the Skillmen, Wildcats, and Eagles -- when all of a sudden everything stopped. On August 12, the players went on strike, and the season was over. Gavin Skillman (statistician!) took the tainted crown for his second championship, and Ed Carbone's Eagles returned to prime time, edging out hard-luck Brendan Ramsden's Wildcats for second place in a fierce battle between the only two teams to carry the same name and be owned by the same owner for all 10 seasons of the League's existence.
1995 was a difficult year for the League. The season began with "replacement" players, but the Bizarro season waited for the real thing. In late April things got going for real, but by late August they had seemingly come to a stop. For over a month there were no standings updates, thanks to Interim Secretary Chas Kelley and Statistician Gavin Skillman's phone tag. This sad situation ruined, for many, one of the best races for "the money" in League history, as a mere one and a half points separated places four through six. Overcoming the "news blackout," scab ball, living in New Jersey and Florida and not being statistician, Ed Carbone flew the Eagles to the League's top spot for the second time, ending a six-year championship drought. A new rookie record was set by Nate Donald (Skip's brother), who took over PGGB from Mike Proteau, renamed it Tastes Like Chicken, and cruised into second place, the sixth rookie money winner and the best rookie finish since the League's initial season.
In 1996, the Bizarro League doubled the salary cap and all League fees, and two of the League's three original owners battled the entire season for the enriched title. Brendan Ramsden's Bear Trap (no longer the same name, leaving the Eagles as the only franchise with that distinction, over the heavy protest of certain League owners) held the lead throughout the dog days of summer, but could not hold off the late charge of Ed Carbone's Eagles, who captured their second consecutive championship, third in franchise history. The Eagles' victory margin of just three points was the smallest separation between first and second place since the inaugural season of 1985, when the Crusaders and Eagles finished in a tie (the Crusaders, of course, won the tie-breaker). Victor Lee finally piloted the Yellow Magic into the money, Skip Donald returned to his habitual spot in the top four, Mike Proteau returned to the League, and the League finally went bi-coastal, as Commissioner Gavin Skillman packed up the En Fuego and moved to San Francisco, but finished out of the money for the second year in a row after beginning his career with five straight money-winning seasons.
In 1997, Brendan Ramsden and the Bear Trap finally got the job done, becoming the final of the League Founders to claim the championship. He held off a late challenge by Jared Stineback's Wookies 'R' Us, whose second-place finish established a career best for Jared. Establishing a much less impressive career record was Skip Donald, who renamed his team Large Piazza with Extra A-Rod in honor of his two big stars, traded away most of the rest of his team for future considerations, and promptly fell all the way to the League cellar.
The plan worked, however, as in 1998 Skip Donald piloted Large Piazza with Extra A-Rod to the championship and became the first owner in Bizarro history to go "worst to first" in one year. It wasn't easy. As Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa were helping to outdo 1994 and create the greatest Major League season in decades, the Bizarro League was experiencing a fantastic season of its own. The League took advantage of the available technology and ran almost entirely over the Internet, with e-mail transactions becoming the norm and standings, rosters and transactions posted to the brand-new League website. The championship was decided by a single point, in a pennant race eerily reminiscent of the 1991 battle between Skip Donald and Ed Carbone. Once again the Eagles fell just short, becoming the first team in Bizarro League history to score more than 90 points and not win the title. In addition, three teams finished within 1 1/2 points of each other for fourth through sixth places, with Brendan Ramsden's defending champion Bear Trap nosing out Victor Lee's Yellow Magic and Mike Proteau's Fnord! 23 for the final money spot. On the other end of the spectrum, Commissioner Gavin Skillman and his En Fuego followed Skip Donald's 1997 plan and became the first Commish to visit the League basement.
1999? Redo, redo, redo. McGwire and Sosa battled again, and once again McGwire won the title. The Yankees didn't quite match their dominating win total of 1998, but they battled their way to their second consecutive World Series title -- beating the Red Sox in a first-ever ALCS matchup along the way. And once again, the offensive juggernaut known as Skip Donald's Large Piazza with Extra A-Rod fought off a late season challenge from Ed Carbone's Eagles to win their second straight Bizarro League title. Despite setting league records in three hitting categories, Large Piazza didn't even lead the League in hitting points. Dave Brien and Nate Donald's BLOHARDS placed no worse than third in any hitting category to lead the League with 50.5 hitting points. Their pitching was only mediocre, however, preventing the BLOHARDS from mounting a sustained challenge for the title. In off-the-field news, Chas Kelley retired from ownership after 12 years of frustration. His team was taken over by Jeff Brien, younger brother of BLOHARDS' co-owner Dave, creating the fourth pair of brothers in the League. Chas made history again by becoming the first non-owner Commissioner in the history of the League. But the big news was the League's hotly contested vote to fully integrate the player pool over the next two years, resulting in 40 more NL players joining the League in 2000, a completely open AL/NL League in 2001, and the death of the concept of the "slot."
2000 was a bizarre year even for a league named Bizarro. Mike Proteau's Fnord! 23 disbanded, leading to the first-ever implementation of the infamous Donald Rule and the first-ever League Expansion. The Donald Rule auction sent Craig Biggio from the former Fnord! 23 to D.J. Ramsden's KYITN for a previously unthinkable $210 in real money. Meanwhile, the league expansion added two new teams to the league -- Jeff "Scooter" Baumann's Sneak Attack and Nate Donald's The Other Team -- bringing the total back to the original number of 12 teams. Meanwhile, on the "field," Dave Brien's BLOHARDS and Gavin Skillman's creatively renamed Skillmen battled for the top spot all season long. In the end, the BLOHARDS fought off the Skillmen to capture their first league title with a league record 105 points, smashing the 13-year old record of 98. On the strength of their teams' strong 2000 performances, Dave and Gavin jumped past Ed Carbone and Skip Donald into the top two spots in the all-time owner standings. Hidden deep within the career stats, D.J. Ramsden edged ahead of twin brother Brendan for 5th place in the overall owner standings. In another truly impressive performance, The Other Team managed to tie the all-time worst in hitting points with 6 and set a new all-time worst in total points with 13, despite the addition of a 12th team -- which increased the total number of available points!
We almost had a first-time champion in 2001. But Victor Lee's Yellow Majik could not hold off a furious September charge by Ed Carbone's Eagles, falling just two points short of joining the Yoo-Hoo fraternity as the Eagles picked up their record 4th franchise championship, Ed's record 7th overall. At the other end of the money, Jeff Brien's Þ (The Team) managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, inexplicably blowing what appeared to be a comfortable fourth-place finish in the season's final week, allowing Gavin Skillman's Skillmen to sneak into the final money spot. Third place was claimed by overwhelming pre-season favorite Skip Donald, who essentially gave up on the season in August, traded away team MVP Randy Johnson (to the eventual champion Eagles), renamed his team Vic Can't Win, then watched his team climb into a tense three-team race for the title down the stretch. On the owner merry-go-round, Nate Donald left the league again, handing his team over to Derek Robbins, who adopted the incredibly popular team name Yankees Suck. The career leader board saw another change at the top, as Dave Brien's first-to-worst transition dropped him out of the top spot, leaving Gavin Skillman as #1 all-time in average points.
2002 featured the first draft outside New England since the league's initial draft in 1985, as 8 out of 12 owners took a Spring Training vacation to Tampa, Florida for the Draft Day festivities. Left out in the cold were D.J. Ramsden, Brendan Ramsden, Derek Robbins, and Brad Skillman. 2002 also gave us the first involuntary team name change, as Victor Lee lost a bet by losing a one-on-one basketball game to Scooter Baumann, and suddenly the Yellow Majik were Scooter's Bitch a.k.a. Yellow Majik. But despite the firsts at the beginning of the year, it was the same old same old at the end of the year, as Skip Donald's freshly and correctly renamed Derek Can't Win edged out Jared Stineback's Wookies 'R' Us and Jeff Brien's Mo-licious for his 4th title. Skip's victory also boosted him past Gavin Skillman into 1st place on the career leader board as well. Scooter parlayed his basketball victory into a first-ever money finish, as his Sneak Attack rounded out the top 4. At the other end of the spectrum, draft host Ed Carbone's Eagles tied a franchise worst by finishing 9th, while Dave Brien's BLOHARDS brought up the rear for a second consecutive season.
It was déjà vu all over again in 2003. Draft Day returned to Billerica. Sean Going returned to the League after a 9 year absence. The Red Sox and Yankees battled again in the ALCS . . . and the Yankees won again, this time with a painfully dramatic game winning home run in the 12th inning of Game 7 (which should never have happened -- thanks, Grady Little). And Ed Carbone's Eagles returned to the top spot in the standings, holding off a furious late challenge by Scooter Baumann's Sneak Attack to capture the Eagles' 5th championship, Ed's 8th overall. Ed and Scooter threatened Dave Brien's three-year old point record of 105, but fell just short in the end, becoming the 3rd and 4th teams to break the 100-point barrier. The triple-digit performance also helped vault Ed past Skip Donald to regain the top spot on the career owner standings, while Scooter's strong performance moved him up to 3rd place. Dave Brien returned to the money, piloting the BLOHARDS out of the cellar and up to 3rd place, while Brad Skillman's Swarm joined the party to round out the top 4. Lost in the fine print, Sean Going made the most of his return to the League, setting career bests by finishing in 8th place with 50.5 points.
In 2004, the Boston Red Sox won the World Series. Does anybody really care about what happened in the Bizarro League? Heading down the stretch, several people did, as 2004 featured one of the closest races in League history. Jeff Brien's Mo-licious pulled out the victory in the end, just 1.5 points ahead of three teams -- Gavin Skillman's Skillmen, Skip Donald's GFE, and Jared Stineback's Wookies 'R' Us -- each separated by a half-point for second, third, and fourth places.
In 2005, Jeff Brien's Mo-licious became the first back-to-back Bizarro League champion since Skip Donald's Large Piazza with Extra A-Rod in 1999. (Sadly, the Red Sox did not match Mo-licious' repeat success. But the Patriots did!) It wasn't easy. In fact, heading into the last day of the season, Jeff trailed Skip Donald's Bery Bery Good by four points! However, when Oakland A's rookie 1B Dan Johnson singled in the 8th inning of the West Coast finale, Mo-licious passed Bery Bery Good in batting average, providing the one-point margin of victory. Not only that, but that final point also gave Mo-licious the all-time record for points scored in a season with 105.5, narrowly edging out brother Dave's mark of 105, set in 2000 by the BLOHARDS.